I used to beat myself up when I saw a “bad” number on my meter. Anything above 200 freaked me out. Especially during my first pregnancy, those high blood sugars sent me into a dark hole of bleakness because it was not just about me anymore. I would visualize the sugars flowing from my body into my growing baby and making him sick. It made me obsessive about testing, and paranoid about anything I put into my mouth. It was supposed to be one of the most joyful times of my life, yet I was filled with worry.

I remember talking to a therapist a few years later who told me to think about my blood sugar readings as information from my body. I snorted at the time and said, “Easier said than done.” She told me to let go of the “bad” and “good” labels and to think of the numbers more scientifically. For example, 250 was telling me I needed more insulin (for whatever reason, miscalculation of carbs, over treating a low etc.), just like 50 was telling me I needed less insulin and more glucose.

I was skeptical leaving her office, thinking, it’s easy for her to say don’t get emotional about the numbers, but her words stuck in my head. Over the next few days when I got a 200+ reading, I took a deep breath and thought, okay, what do I need to do here? Slowly, it began to work. Slowly, the black hole began to dissipate like a rain puddle after the clouds part. I began to chant the phrase in my head “It’s just a number.” And it worked.

I should add that my 3 pregnancies were healthy, and my 3 boys turned out just fine. They are healthy and I am healthy in body and in mind

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